Happily ever after

Last week something amazing and wonderful happened to me. I had the opportunity to sneak off to California and officially marry the man of my dreams! Who would have imagined a few years ago that this would be possible? At the time, I didn't believe sweet, loyal, loving, and beautiful people like Mike existed, let alone that I would meet him and we would fall in love. Seriously, Mike is the best and I am honored to share my life with him.

We had been talking for a long time about getting married and both agreed that we wanted to take that step when the time was right. We tentatively planned to tie the knot in 2009 after the elections because I didn't think I could handle having our rights stripped away after getting married if (heaven forbid) this terrible amendment passes in California. Then the LDS church yet again declared war against our happiness (see Utah Amendment 3) and began openly promoting a political agenda in CA (see Proposition 8) by encouraging its members to devote time and funds to taking away rights from Americans. We decided it no longer made sense to wait to get married. Our commitment to each other has been clear for ages and the only thing missing was the official seal of approval. We decided to take matters into our own hands and elope.

The day we married was amazing! Everywhere we went both before and after the ceremony people were friendly and helpful and it seemed the stars were aligned to make it the perfect day. The TSA agents at the airport were even friendly! I won't blog the details so I still have stories to tell around the dinner table, but know that it was perfect.

When we got home something amazing happened that I never expected. All of the important people in our lives came together in unanimous support and showered us with love and approval. If you know me well, you've probably heard me rant about the battle over same-sex marriage. For a long time I've said that I don't care about "marriage" per se and that I just want legal rights. I never took the time to really analyze the intangible value of the word marriage in our culture. As we told our families that we were married there was so much emotion and love and understanding in their eyes it startled me. Then I realized the power of this social commitment that is unique to marriage. I can scream "committed relationship", "monogamous", and "domestic partner" until I'm blue in the face and most people will just reply something like "that's nice dear" and change the subject. Now, when I say "married" there is a light that goes on in their heads, especially with others who are already married, and suddenly they are connected to you and understand your love for each other. This is a word they can relate to. This is a commitment that is not trivial, not easily broken, and has a much deeper emotional meaning than I ever gave it credit for. I now understand just how important it is that homosexual couples, who are that way from birth and did not choose it, are allowed to marry. The heterosexual world sees us as promiscuous and our relationships as fragile and fleeting, yet they fight against our right to show that we can honor and appreciate commitment as much as they can. When we are not allowed to marry, we are denied the right to proclaim our commitment to the world in a meaningful way. Domestic partnership and commitment ceremonies are second-class because of the special meaning marriage has in our culture.

This was really driven home when my dear grandfather called to convey just how proud he was of our decision to commit our lives to each other. He had somehow worried that because I spoke lightly of marriage when arguing legal rights that I didn't believe in lifelong commitment. He was sad for me because in his mind I would never get to experience the joy of true commitment. This is exactly why the fight for same-sex marriage is so important. No other phrase or substitute ceremony would have seemed real to my grandfather and he would have always considered our relationship to be temporary and less meaningful (even though he wouldn't realize he felt that way). This is an absolute tragedy. Not only would amendment 8 block a couple's right to hospital visits and rights of attorney, it would diminish the happiness available to their friends and family.

I love Mike with all my heart and I have vowed to honor and cherish him even when we're old and our bodies are falling apart. If two people love each other enough to wipe each others' butts in a retirement home when they are 90, they should have the right to meaningfully celebrate their commitment with their family and friends through marriage.

Big Harvest

It is threatening to frost this weekend so we pulled a bunch of veggies tonight to save them, but there is still probably 10x what you see here out in the yard. Hopefully they'll still be edible next week...