Has it really been 25 years? Wow! I still remember that morning vividly. My class was all gathered, sitting on the barely carpeted floor of a half-circle room with four stepped tiers so we could see over each-other's heads. In the middle of the room was an aged television on a metallic rolling cart. It was such an exciting day for some reason. I knew that the space shuttle had been launched many times before, but this one was special. There was something unique this time and it had all of our teachers very excited. I didn't understand the details but instead of a lecture we got to watch the shuttle launch live and that was fine with me!
I don't really remember seeing the explosion live as the memory is mushed together with all of the replays and news coverage, but I do remember the emotions of the day. We were very confused as to what happened and what it meant. I can't even imagine the struggles of our teachers trying to deal with their own emotions while keeping control of rowdy kids and trying to make sure we weren't scarred for life.
After we got shuffled back to the classroom and settled down, my Mom arrived and pulled me out of the class to talk. She was so upset. She sat me down and explained that my grandfather could have been on that shuttle and that extremely talented scientists had died. My grandfather, John Barainca, had applied to the Teacher in Space program and was actually one of the top 100 considered for the slot that was eventually given to Christa McAuliffe. He had been at the launch site for the previous few days but the launch was delayed for too long and many of the teachers, including him, needed to return home to their classes.
On top of that, it was my grandmother's birthday. Happy birthday grandma! So along with all the emotion of how hard my grandfather had worked to be on that shuttle, how much he had wanted it, how exciting it was to have a teacher go to space, how disappointed grandpa was that he wasn't able to stay long enough to see the actual launch, it had also been possible that my grandmother's birthday present would have been my grandfather exploding on national television. At the time I remember thinking that it was a very sad thing but I didn't understand why my Mom took it so personally. He wasn't on the shuttle. Everything would be fine. Looking back though, I can see how it would have been just too much to take in all at once.
I'll never know if she felt I really needed to know the whole story or if she just needed someone to talk to. I think most of my childhood conversations with Mom were a little of both. I miss you Mom.
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